Bloody!

You hurt me and you know it. I watch you walk,talk and behave as though nothing has ever happened. You make it seem like it was nothing wrong. What you did was completely justified. So now I stand at what seems to me a cross road. Million of thoughts running through my brain most of them telling me to let go and forgive, but there is that voice,burnt and carved some place deep within my scalp. A voice of an unknown source; and I hate it!
Even though the sight of you sickens me, the idea or even the thought of you being in the same room as me persuades me to stab you,I hold back. Think of tomorrow, take one last look and move on.

I dare and dream of better days to come. But do these so called "better days" actually exist? Does being strong and keep trying pay off in the end? maybe its just for the hopeless/blissful mortals thinking that perhaps their lives have a meaning and someday someone will notice them and their potential,that is how they're going to get their big break! No longer will they have to worry.No more shattered dreams,no more heartaches.you are safe from harm and discomfort. But guess what,that only happens when you die and go to heaven and the truth is not all of us are going to end up there!

Get up! face the truth! Dreaming is great but there will come a time when you just have to give it up and move to something else!

Askew beyond repair.

I have to make an announcement: 46 days in Ohio! *screams*



So just when I thought things were getting back to normal, It gets worse. A lot worse! Like waking up 2 minutes before you have to leave while being pissed off! Sore throat, tooth ace,head ace, sleepy and having to walk 20 minutes to class because it's convenient for someone! On top of all that I have a quiz right after the week I finished my midterms. Wait, it doesn't end there. I realize that I have $30 left in my account, I then get a phone call from the bank saying that they deducted $25 for account maintenance so that means I have $5 left and then to have someone steal my $200 organic chemistry text book! Can I say FML?
Trust me, I don't think that I have ever had a day go as bad as yesterday! What wrong did I do to deserve this? Why would somebody take an O-chem Text book? When some one finds a wallet stuffed with cash,they return it. When someone finds money dropped on the floor they return it. When they find a iPhone in a public bathroom they hand it to the police. But no, not when it's my 0-chem text book!

Come to think of it, I have always returned or handed found stuff to the security near by, never have I stolen something that belongs to someone else. Never will it happen again. If I find something lying around from now on, I'm taking it. it's mine! No more being nice! Karma can kiss my ass!

But as always, I try to get over it. It's hard considering the fact that I am broke like a mother fucker and need an 0-chem text book to study for my next weeks quiz!Will the lord please bring back my text book? Please?

The little girl lost in the woods edition

I can dance and dance till my feet collapse! Mid terms are over! I can sleep like a normal human being! The work load went back to the norm. so alhamdulilah for all that. Besides my attempt to ace my midterms I made appointemnts with various majors. I've really been wanting to un confuse myself and figure out what my calling was. Everytime I start to believe I know what I want, somthing happens and I'm back to sqaure one! So I've been wondering from building to building at the same time sending what seemed like billions of e-mails. I pray that I figure things out soon. I can't handle not knowing what I would benifit me in the long run. Running in cirlces is no fun, you know?

So I was working hard! studying for long periods of time, and trying to figure some personal issues out.I'm not going to get into them simply because no one needs to know. All I can say is that it's amazing how people close to you let you down so often but don't see how what they did was wrong and hurtful. The funny thing is you're the one that suffers more than anything but there is nothing you can say or do. You just gotta accept it and get over it. I try to come up with an expalnation, a cause, a solution, but nothing. I hit a cement wall. I personally don't like to dwell in the dark but there always is somthing that triggers it and it all comes back to my mind and all I can do is fight back the tears. I don't trust people much, it could be as a result of expereince. It happens to all of us right? ans there has to always be a bitch that can't keep her fuc*ing yap shut! And when you find out a bit too late, you hate yourself for being soo stupid and nieve!

I don't like depending on people to do things for me or needing help. I wish at times to be able to do everything by myself. I can't help but have the impression that I come off as helpless for whatever reason. How do I become normal? Not stand out like sore thumb? DO questions like that have answers? or are they rhetoric?

On another note, I am slowly falling in love. What a wonderful feeling! Who knew that autumn was my favourite season? It's the leaves more than anything else. Their coclors, the way they fall from the trees and smoothly land on the grass. The sight of squirrels running from one spot to the other insearch of buckeyes. It's perfect! Just right! But the rain, I can live without. Let me tell you somthing, Today I was walking on the side walk and headed for luch, it was heavily raining and at some point a car passes by and just drowns me in a wave of rain water! My entire left side and some of my right was soaked with freakin rain water! This happened not once but thrice! and now I have flu like symptoms! This will be the second time I get the flu within a 2 week period! crappy much?
Somthing has been eating my brain cells since the beginning of the week..Peircings, tongue peircing to be exact! I WANT IT! like real bad! I am dying to get a hole in my tongue that can lead to infections! what is wrong with me? since when am I crazy about peicings?(truth is since forever and ever) I am divising a plan, but I know once i get I will be the talk of the somalis in Ohio.. they will be like "did you see the tramp with a hole in her tongue?" "she is crazy!" "Look at her, she came from the arab world and now she's letting lose!!" I don't need that kind of publicity. I hate somalis for that! Double Bleh! I've been up for adevtures these days. there is just so much to try and so little a time to try them!

I HATE COLUMBUS OHIO WITH A PASSION. =)IT'S THE UGLIEST PLACE EVER!

Permission to enter la-la land DENIED!

Began to loose site of purpose.
The sour taste of defeat in my mouth.
My focus has shifted
My interests never consistent.
Goals that no longer have meaning
friends that say they're leaving
Headaches that feel like leeches
sucking your blood for no reason.
Lying on the ground bleeding
From the wounds that aren't healing.
e-mails that say "we're sorry."
Weekends that are so boring.
How do I turn it around
When the people around have rejected who I am?

Punctured viens

This was one of those emotional days. I knew it wasn't long before I cried till my eyes and nose turned pink. It's just that the frustration came back.My constant battle to obtain the best results in everything I do tends to kill me slowly.It's horrible!as well as catastrophic. With the frustration comes the fear of flopping. I think that it's the worst thing that can happen to someone. To see everything you've worked so hard to build, fall apart and crumble to dust. It does happen though, and when it does, the only thing you can do is take a momment to take it all in and move on.. I don't want to see that happen. But then again,who am I to decide? If Zeus himself couldn't control fate, how can I?

Bordom seems to be the subject of my days. So much energy but nowhere to channel it.The calm-ness is not working for me. I need to break a sweat!Adjusting to a new city,uni and environment is not as easy as it first seemed! hmmm..It's taking me ages to get a drivers liscence! they keep coming up with laws! I wonder what's next? they need a blood sample?

Journalism,journalism,journalism..I think I just might give it a try! Who knows, I might be good at it.*rolls eyes* .Hebrew is on my list of classes to take next quarter(god willing), now some of you might think "is she crazy?" "why hebrew" well I maybe crazy aand why not hebrew, it's just a 4 credit course that will make my resume colorful and look versitile. Plus, the experience gotta be something ey?

SO basically I'm fu*ed up a little. Kinda dizzy and all the more eager! I want candy people! I need adventure! =) god answer my prayers.

Shout outs: to my mom, who I found out reads my blog! this has to be the funniest thing ever! To the losers that live in a ghetto apartment some where in VA(you know you you are.

Word of the day: ufffff

emo?

Fate has a way of playing with one's mind
One day bliss next day misery.
Form histeric laughter to oceans of bloddy tears.
Rarley does my bloddied face look fine
Ofen masked by makeup
Scars of lost battles highliting my features.
Sorrow reflected in my eyes
never able to deflect the srutinizing glares of people.
Those who are the wolves that never miss the scent of blood.
They hurry in search of a pray to devour
with their razor sharp tongues
that are tainted with my blood.
a victim, a kill, a spoil I've become.
Wanting to hide in a cave
far far away.
Where it's safe from the dangersome tear hungry blood suckers.

I lost blood today!

so,so,so! Today was something! I was myself again..you know, the all weird,hyper and random me =p I missed her and now she is back..taaadaaaa..so let me tell you what I did toady..ready?

So today I found out that I have been eating pork! Now keep in mind that I had no idea what so ever that it was pork! until my darling uncle told me so! May the great god forgive me! I am going to refrain from eating meat while I am in the united states of America! It really is hard to keep track! they have pig in everything!even yogurts! I mean wtf! Dubai was the shiz nit, I never had to worry about what I was putting in my mouth. But oh well America sucks! =p

I got to school early, it was raining so I got myself an umbrella, headed to my fave spot(the main library) had breakfast and then sat in front of one of the desktops and updated my blog while texting back and forth with one of my dearest friends (girl u know who u are =p). I then went on to my first class of the day,which was my mythology recitation. I don't know if I told you this, but my TA is pretty cool. in the sense that he always trys to make me feel at ease in class by talking about the quaran, islam and the Arab world when he's talking about the bible; and he looks at me when he says those things too! I think it's funny. I am the only Muslim in that class, so it turns out. But he's a good guy. After an hour of hearing my TA rant about the Iliad, I met up with my homies here at OSU for a chit chat and lunch. Then I headed to my last class for the day, the dreaded Micro-lab! Did I mention that the lab instructor hates my guts for no reason? because if I didn't he hates my guts for no reason! that ass of a human being!
so on my way to the dreaded class, I noticed a sign which said " blood drive, donate blood today. walk ins are welcome" and I thought to myself, hey! why not try this! I went in asked them when do they pack up and they said that they were open till 7 pm. headed to class, when I was done, I wen back and pumped me a whopping one pound of blood! (btw my blood was totally sexy). I felt good, didn't feel light headed or dizzy. walked away, the red cross lady even loved my converse boots. She was soo fascinated with them, that she showed it off to her coluges! After minutes of feeling good! I headed to search for the ever cool Hikama (=p) she was supposed to drop me off home but instead we went on our own random trip to apple bee's! where we stuffed ourselves with yummy food! That was fun yo! Gotta do this more ofen! I wonder what's gona be next =) But i think I over tipped the waitress..lol I guess I got that from my mama =p

I have an EXAM tomorrow! May the lord make it easy for me! I need to study and get me ready for tomorrow.

A shout out to the hotty on the bus today! wish we said something to you since you were staring like there was no tomorrow.(hiki you should have said something, that was your department.) but then again, we could run into him tomorrow? lol

until next time

The one and only Somali rocket scientist, Ayan Sheikh

F*ck it!

Today I am sick and tired to everything. I am sick and tired of myself. The way I stay stagnant in a crippling position and I do very little to move forward. It saddens me when I know that the amount of effort I put into things don't work or go the way I wanted them to. It hurts me like hell when I'm sincere and I get no appreciation in return. I am sick and fed up with the way I have to always be the better person, the more patient one instead of just being human and being a ass for a change. I am tired of how I get classified as dumb or weak, unable to work on her own. When you don't even know me! when such an accusaion is not supported by facts! I wish I could punch the kife force out of you! If only I could, trust me I would. I feel nauseated when I think of the numerous times I put up with other people's bull-shit and smiled back instead of cussing them out. It annoys the living day lights out of me to see others who must or have endured others crap! So today, I say that I have had it up to here and I just wana say f*ck you!

I might come off as mad or having a bad day,so yes I am mad! I am mad at myself and it's time for a change! a healthy change!

Pure Gay-ness..

I want to jump of a cliff with a rope attached to one of my legs. Climb a high mountain and sing "twinkle,twinkle" till my lungs get dry. Chase a dog while my heart beats with defening fear.Dance in the rain without catching the cold. Kick pigs in the gutt and laugh histarically. Be able to walk into O-chem exam and ace it without an effort. To stabb my lab instructor in the eye and have him get off my back forever and ever. Run across a field of dasises without ever sneezing. O sweet life of weird people..when will you ever resuce me from this world infested with average mortals?

PS. I am high on hot chocolate! This "piece" is intended to entertain me and those of you who are like me. =p

The one and only Somali Rocket Scientist..Ayan Sheikh

A runny nose for a rainy day

Hello earthly mortals! Guess what happened to me today? I got the flu! Can I cry now? This is really the last thing I need. It started off with being one of my random allergies into this never ending runny nose. Where does all this mucus come from anyway? It's like a never ending stream of mucus! eww. Besides that, I'm really getting a feel for this whole cold weather and I am beginning to doubt my ability to withstand the soon coming snow. I keep wishing I had a heater attached to my body!

I had two quizzes today too. I aced the mythology quiz as for the micro biology, I know I got 17/18..I can never get 100% no matter how much I study. I am destined to make silly mistakes here and there. It's a sad story....

I didn't see anything interesting, meet interesting people or bang into a wall. Yes, I had a fairly normal day. but you want to hear a story? I got one.

A friend of mine was telling me today how she watched an episode of Tyra. There was this girl who claims to have married the Eiffel Tower.Literally, no jokes folks. She is attracted to objects, i.e. instead of falling in love with a man, she falls in love with objects, like bridges. When Tyra asked her who proposed, she said "believe it or not, "he" did. She even went on to explain how that "he" did it. She said that all the lights on Eiffel tower never come on all at once. So one evening as she was on the tower, all the lights came on and right then and there she knew that they were meant to be! A wedding was thrown for the "couple" too, with 12 of the brides friends(who BTW were either gay or lesbians).When Tyra asked her if she feels jealous because there are millions of people that visit the Eiffel tower. The woman went on to saying that she knows that "he" would not do such a thing. She believes they have a strong connection. And when asked if she tried having relationships with men.She proceeded to saying that she did but they never felt right! The truth is, this woman suffers from a mental disorder!

After a long day of classes, I had lunch with my friend where we exchanged Somali jokes.I'm not gonna repeat them because there were just too many of them! I got home and realized that I am down with the stupid flu. I just hope it doesn't get nasty and turn into swine flu or something.
I can't wait for the weekend!!

It's funny

I don't know if I could say it's funny , but it does feel that way. I'm talking about how you realize things you thought you already knew and understood very well when it's too late. or when you realize that you've taken a certain person in your life for granted knowingly. I honestly can not figure out why we people do that. and it's always when you're forced to stand on grounds that are unfamiliar to you,that the truth comes crashing down on you like angry waves! Your eyes pop and your then comes the infamous "OHhh!" The "How could I not see this before?" or the "wtf was I thinking?" but then again we must remind ourselves that in the end we are merly human, and stupid regardless of our IQ levels. We scew up time and time again.

My brain goes on a self discovering journey!

To be a writer is such an honor, to have people read your work and say its good is a blessing and gift. To have a mind that never dries up is unimaginable. But can I count myself as one of them? A writer is like story teller that entertains through words. He or she can turn words that are used by the common man into threads of silk and lumps of gold. To be able to hold a pen in my hand and fill the empty white paper with sentences and words that people enjoy. Does the sole purpose of writing entertainment or is there some kind of fulfillment for the writer hidden somewhere?


Who am I? and what is it that sets me apart from the other gifted writers in the world? What makes what I write special?readable? or enjoyable for that matter? When someone says "hey! that's some really good writing there." does it mean that I actually am good? Silly as I may seem, the many comments I've received over the years from teachers,friends and peers were positive. But it wasn't always like that. I remember the times when I would have red ink all over my note book page because of all the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. My teacher telling me to re-do certain sections. There were times when I had my note book thrown at me because my teacher thought that I had did a terrible job at the assignment/home work.

When I think about those pre-high school and high school days, even now at college; I can't help myself but wonder whether or not those horrible and embarrassing moments helped me improve my way of writing or are people just being "nice" and Tryna spare my feelings? I know that it is impossible for a teacher to give you an A on a paper if they think that you don't deserve it. So maybe I got a little something going on here..hm mm... I wonder how much I got it going?

So if you're reading this, how would you rate my work (if I may refer to it as such) on a scale from 1-10. 1 being horrific and 10 being wow-ing(lol). Let me know..I really wanna know.

Hail all, I met me a president!=)

Tuesday Oct.7 began with ice cold winds blowing my gypsy looking green skirt! Oh,what a crappy day to be wearing a skirt!but thank goodness for leggings. =p What high lighted my day was the arrival of the Somalian president Sheikh(something) sheikh. I was ecstatic and felt like it was hard to contain myself! Nevertheless, I acted like a lady,clapped when it was time to clap and stood up in respect? when the crowd did so.All the while feeling giddy inside. The Somali BBC radio showed up too! The hournalist/reporter asked me if I would like to comment on the president's speech and boy did my fist sized heart leap with excitment!but I backed up in the last minute when I remembered my somali wasn't THAT good! I sure as hell didn't want to embarace myself on national radio, especially BBC since every somali man and woman, illiterate and educated listens to. (I can't remember why I decided not to go through with it).

After the whole O.M.G I got to meet the somali president we headed for lunch at high street thinking that we were gona get ourselves some free lunch, only to find out that the line was waaay to long ! This meant another day of wallet emptying. High street is the place that now ownes all of our money! but if you wana eat that means you gotta spend,right? So afterwards I left for home early. I was dead tired so I decided to take a nap before I began to study for the two quizzes I have waiting for me tomorrow. *The joy!*

I can't wait till I get my driver's license! That way I will be in the library 24/7! I would never leave except when I have to leave for classes. The Little nerd in me would rejoice and preform a hundred dances! seriously! How could anyone hate libraries? They are so peaceful and quiet. Gigantic screens and beautiful views! yum yum I tell ya.

Right now, I'm trying to decide on what to wear for tomorrow. I have several options but I don't know what to choose..LOL..I am also finishing up on my reading for tomorrows mythology quiz! Good Luck to me!

I can't think straight..I'm listening to music and reading "The hymn to Aphrodite" I don't think they mesh

Today started with an awful dread. I went to sleep late last night and as a result I woke up later than I was supposed to. I had organic chem quiz at 9:30 this morning and it was HARD! but I won't let it get to me! I can tell that my TA likes me! lol..she is awesome..I think she thinks that I'm brainy mainly because I answer all her questions in class and I never stop raising my hand and asking questions,while the rest of my classmates just sit there and stare with blank faces.After O-chem I had to head quickly to my mythology class..I have to say this class if fun and a way to get an easy A! =) If there is one thing annoying about my professor though is her saying"right" at the end of every sentence..for instance:"so Zeus was the son of corons..right" Aphrodite was the goddess of lust and erotic love..right" lol... it does get to ya. Other than that she's pretty cool and she looks like lorali from Gilmore girls! and just as the bell sounded I got a phone call from this lady that I have been calling for the past week and a half only to have her return my call and tell me that the position was for students with federal work study..Uffft.. I was looking forward to it but oh well..vot to do naa? So I decided that I won't let it get to me. I went on and headed to a place I like to call the somali library,simply because the Somali community at OSU are accumulate there, myself included. met up with two of my friends Ifrah and Hikmat..If ya'll are reading this you guys are awesome =) I dragged them with to early lunch at Mc donalds(amina if you're reading this, yes I did eat a cheese burger) because of my micro lab, which was at 2:30. I must admit, micro is infectious =p



Remember how I was waiting for a call from the gym about getting me a personal trainer? well, God heard my cries and decided to have mercy on me and I got a call saying I now am a proud owner of a personal trainer! and instead of a hunck I was given a female instructor .All those day dreaming about a hot trainer are now headed for the bio hazard waste bag..again vot to do naa? But I'm pretty excited on getting help with properly organizing my eating habits and working on a workout that will benefit me in the long run! =) cheers to the good life!



Today was not only about the dum o-chem quiz that was semi-disastrous, today is the day I decided that my major is going to be public health. I have to thank my ever talented and uber smart uncle for his never ending advice. My mother that tells me to always follow my heart and my dear darling dad, who tells me to do what I want but I know deep down he want me to be a doctor. Bless your heart folks =)

Ever had somali guys hit on you? if the answer is yes then you are probably laughing at the experience! because they are soo freakin hilarious! It happened to me this afternoon.. I was at one of the book stores located on central campus , so this somali dude who is probably in his 30's says "hey! what's up" and starts chatting with me like he knows me.So I'm thinking, this dude saw me in somali class and saying hi, cuz he recognized me; so I went on and said hi and he asked me if i was a freshman and I was like no. I came from dubai. He said "oh,really? does that mean you speak arabic?" I said "yea,duh!" and he was like, would you teach me? and I was like wtf is this guy crazy? I asked him are you in my somali class and he was like no. Then I got what he was up to(stupid much?)and I freaked out a little. He went on to ask me for my cell number and I went on to say that I didn't have one cuz I was new in town and I walked away. Talk about freak shows! lol..they chase the freshmen! Thank goodness for sophomore.Iguess they see us as old? So somali guys are lame but you have to admit they are funny as hell!

I realized that the work load is getting bigger and bigger as the days go by. quized,home works,labs and presentations! Isn't like just a freakin bunch of roses?

I had friends ask me whether or not I was home sick. Come to think of it, I never really had the chance to sit down and think about it. I've been to swamped adjusting and planning that I didn't realize how much I miss home! The loud voices, the play fights, the glass shattering laughter of my siblings and my dear mom. It's hard to believe that the next time I'm gona see them is next year! I'm not gona get emotional about it though, I know what my purpose it. I know that I'm here for school, not fun and hanging out! This shorty is on a mission! and I have to do whatever I can to ensure that I have a bright future. Just like the rest of us! =)

My lesson of the day is: When everything around you gets blurry and confusing, take a minute to stop, relax and think it through. If you have a strong and reliable support crew, even better! But whatever you do, don't crash and burn and most importantly don't listen to everyone!

This is today,yesterday and tomorrow?

I got my quizzes scores back today! Not bad at all, I can safetly say that I'm doing a pretty good job. so a nice pat on the back for me! What I noticed was the work load is waaay too much at OSU compared to GMU..hmmm..I wonder why? But then again,studying never gets easier nor does it end! Another thing I noticed was that people have a really hard time remembering my name..I mena wtf? you can remember something like Bacillus anthracis but Ayan slips your mind every freakin time?! Give me a break folks! sheesh kabab.

I've been running up and down campus for the past two weeks and instead of loosing weight, I'm getting bigger(for those of you who do not know I am big already!) so, once again I am faced with a deli ma, what in the name of the almighty god am I to do? I can swear that I eat half of what I used to eat and I never was much of an eater in the first place =(..I happened to visit the Gym on campus and *whistles* is that place huge or what? I decided that I was gonna get me a trainer and get in one of those gigantic treadmills and sweat my but off!!! It's Monday and I haven't started yet. I'm still waiting on the darn trainer to call me..lazy much?

So I saw alot of dogs today(like 5).So much running away tryna avoid them while trying to not seem obvious.I wonder if there is some kind of therapy for people like me. or am I the only person on this planet with this disease? seems highly unlikely to me. but then again there is nothing in my power to do about this. I blame it on my awesome grand mother, whom I think played a role in making me this coward when it comes to animals. and since I'm in OH i had to add to my list squirrels,ducks,geese and beavers? Animals are a blessing but I am afraid of them! so sue me for it.=p

I surprised myself alot! When I say that I mean the fact that I got on a plane all by myself, left my only home for the past 18 years I've been on this earth to a city that I never been to and not freak out one bit? I'm not tryna show off here or say that I'm the only one whose ever done that, because the truth is I've always been the emotional type. I get emotional especially when it's close to home. But I took it like a soldier. I think it has to do with the whole maturity thing. I've really grew alot over the past years. With so much stuff going on, good and bad. I still continue to grow and hopefully one day be able reach out and help others with whatever I learnt over the years. There has been many celebrations and many shed tears but I guess most of them were worth it.Some stuff however I wish I could erase and make them go away.

So tonight as I sit here in my room sharing my thoughts and "journeys" of the day with you, I hope you learn to appreciate what you have in your life that is special and try to open your eyes to the world around you because if there is one thing I learnt is nothing is ever what it seems like.

what I feel like

So for those of you who think that you have me all figured out,,guess what?! you're dead wrong!! The truth is I am far too complicated to be figured out. Some say that I am difficult,hard headed or stubborn..the list never ends! And the truth is I am all that and more.NO, I do not suffer from personality disorder! =p But most of my life I've been confused, why that is or how I came to be like that I have no idea! But it is something that continues to drive me crazy! Every day I try to step out of myelf(is that what's it called?) and I try to figure me out and to no avail. What am I to do? Book an appointment with the shrink? or continue to wonder aimlessly?

If you happen to be a buddy of mine, help me out a little would ya? describe me(honestly without any lame jokes) in how many words you want..please?lol