A hostage to unsettling emotions. I strived to pretend that everything was wonderful. I was not lying to you when you asked me how I was doing, I really did believe I was doing great. But then I realized that I was wrong. I am messed up! I've become needy and dependent and pathetic like. I wonder, was I always like this? It seems impossible, but my current situation taunts me. I am craving for freedom as well as independence. I know it takes time and I can't rush it, I have to take it slow. I suppose this is what it means stepping put of your comfort zone. For the very first time, I feel like a new born. Yuck!
For the million-th time I was hurt again. Will the monsters stop coming after me? or is this how it's going down? I feel like I can write a book spilling what's going on in my head and it still wouldn't be enough. My big brown eyes will never go without having to pour a gallon of tears. But for a messed up person, I think I handle it pretty well. After all these injuries, you will hardly find things that hurt me. =)
I know that I said that I would discontinue writing, but the truth of the matter is, writing liberates me. Whether I'm good at it or I no better than a Chinese person learning english for the first time, writing is my therapy. I remember when I was a child, whenever I had a bad day,upset about something or I was having a wonderful day, I would write it down on a piece of paper and then throw it away or rip it off. I would spill my heart out before I did that. Afterwards I would feel good! May sound odd but it made sense to me then.
And so I wonder, how does one get over their troubles? How do you beat the blues? And how do you hang on in there when it seems like the monsters are back for more?
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